FUN THINGS TO DO IN A MALL
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1.  Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've
        seen this man."

2.  Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to
        consume its now unwanted contents.

3.  At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"

4.  Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to
        scratch yourself.

5.  Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable.

6.  Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King.

7.  ...but save a few to slurp on as snacks.

8.  Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in
        clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.

9.  "Play" the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of
        explosion noises.

10.  Sprint up the down escalator.

11.  Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores
        and say "Domino's."

12.  Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw
        cuts through bone.

13.  At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and
        whether there's much meat on them.

14.  Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.

15.  Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing
        "Saved by the Bell."  Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and
        scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.

16.  Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that
        you lost a contact lens.

17.  Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander
        around the mall taking two-inch steps.

18.  Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric
        versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.

19.  Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will
        "give you a really wicked buzz".

20.  Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap
        made out of straw."

21.   Chase people ( your friends) and spray them with water guns.

22.  Spray complete stranges with a water gun....over an asile....and then
apoligze.