Note: This is my very first fanfic!! Please e-mail me at yetlu@ipoline.com to tell me what you think.

Also I have used the Japenese version of the character names. Mamoru = Darien Usagi = Serena. This story takes place after Mamorou broke up with Usagi. This fanfic is also one of those depressing sad ending ones. Sort of a tear jerker. ^_^ You have been warned!

Depths Of Dispair

By Ulithia

The monster lunged at her from nowhere. Sailor Moon stubled in the dim light of the moon shinging high above the battlefield. Holding out her secpter she stood into an attack pose facing the on coming youma. Suddenly out of nowhere a single blood red rose struck the youma in the face. Stumbling back in pain, he glared at the newcomer Tuxedo Kamen. "Now Sailor Moon." She held out her secpter and yelled out "Moon Secpter Annialation!". The youma scremed out in anguish and fury before it crumbled to dust.

The senshi and the masked man stood and stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Her eyes hopeful and shinging with her love for him, his garded and cold, hiding some deep inner struggle in his soul from being exposed.

"Sorry we're late!" They both turned to see the other Sailors rush towards them Mars, Venus, Jupiter, and Mercury. "Looks like you took care of the youma before we got here! Good for you Sailor Moon!!" Usagi glanced down and saw Luna her advisor and most trusted friend. But at that moment she remembered him. She turned around but he had already left. And a single whisper left her torn soul. "Tuxedo Kamen.....".

Tuxedo Kamen jumped from rooftop to rooftop and finally landed on his apartment balcony. There he closed his eyes and slowly detransfromed and returned once more to being Mamoru. There he leaned against the railing and gazed at the full moon above. Eyes full of unshed tears, and regret, he whispered a name. A name of someone more dear to him then life itself. A name of someone he would protect with his soul and being. A name of someone he loved but could not have. "Usako........".

"NANI?! Why didn't someone wake me up!!!! I'm going to be late!!!" Usagi shot out of bed faster then ever and rushed to her closet, got dressed, raced downstairs, grabbed a piece of toast, jumped into her shoes, and was out the door with her schoolbag. Following her was a black cat holding a bag in her mouth and yelling "Usagi you forgot you lunch!!!!!". "Arigato Luna!!" Usagi grabbed her precious food and raced down the street.

"Sigh" Usagi had finally reached school, only to be lectured once again by Ms. Haruna for being tardy and not doing her homework. As usual Usagi expected the punishment to be detention after school. Ms. Haruna was just about to sentence her, when she looked into Usagi's eyes and stopped. They we're not full of the usual whiny tears. But instead of tears that brought a deep hurt fron down deep in the girl's soul. They we're tears of acceptence of what was to come, and tears of lonely dispair devoid of hope. Ms. Haruna felt sorry for poor Usgai and simply said "I'll let you off today since I'm in a good mood." Usagi was honestly surprised at her response and as she sunk into her chair, she thought she must have a date tonight.

During lunch Usagi walked out of her class and headed for the grassy section where all her friends had already gathered. Ami with her nose deep in some textbook, while Rei, Minako, and Makoto were both laughing hysterically at some piece of gossip Minako was spilling to them. "Usagi wait'll you here what I found out!!" "Oh hi guys." Usagi slumped to the floor in a heap and slowly took out her lunch. But her next sentence surprised everyone. "Anyone want my lunch? I'm not that hungry." "WHAT?!" Everyone was shocked by her response and couldn't believe what they were hearing. Usagi?! Not hungry? That was a complete oxymoron! It even shocked Ami enough to lift her nose out of her book, to stare at Usagi. "What's wrong with not being hungry? You guys act as if I'm a complete pig or something." "Well you know Usagi with the way you eat sometimes I can't tell the difference between you and a pig." Rei said mockingly. The group braced themselves for another fit of tears from Usagi, and a cat fight between Rei and Usagi. Everyone closed there eyes. But it never came. "You know what Rei you're right, maybe I should change my habits." "I am?!" said a shocked Rei. "Guys I need some time to be alone. Catch you someother time k?" Usagi them lifted herself off the grass patch and dejectedly walked off. "Something is definately wrong" said Rei.

Usagi just wandered about the schoolyard not knowing where she was going. With a surprise she found herself on the school rooftop. The bell for class to begin sounded loudly. But Usagi didn't even hear it. She just slumped to the ground, and curled her legs up, and tucked her knees under her chin. She could think of only one thing. And that was of Marmrou. Usagi ran all of her faults through her head. She was clumsy, she was immature, she was whiny, she was a complete flake, and she totally pigged out on food. No wonder Mamoru can't see anything in me. I'm a complete, utter, useless, whiny crybaby. Slow heartfelt tears started to stream down her pale cheecks. Pieces of her soul were being torn apart and shredding within her being. And all Usagi could do was cry. She hardly noticed when the bell rang signaling school was over for the day, or when the sun started to slowly set in the sky. All she could feel was the deep hurt and pain in her inner being. Usagi sat there for quite a while. Until there were no more tears left to shed and she walked slowly home under the light of a silver cresent moon hanging low in the sky.

Usagi pushed the door of her house slowly open, and headed up to her room. Her parents wouldn't be worried about her for they probably thought she was sleeping over at one of her friends house. She did it so often that sometimes her family didn't even bother to set an extra place for her at dinner.

Just as she was getting ready to change into her pj's a shrill beeping noise caught her attention. She flipped open her communicator and saw Sailor Mercury. "Sailor Moon we need you now!! There's a youma downtown and we need your help!" "Right away Mercury!" Reaching for he locket Usagi screamed out " Moon Crystal Power" As soon as she was done she hopped out the window and headed right for downtown as fast as she could run.

When she got there she could tell the situation was bad. Out of the four scouts two were already down. Both Venus and Mercury took heavy energy blasts and were slammed into a brick wall, and went unconcious. Sailor Moon leaped in front of the youma and carried out her usual speech. "And in the name of the Moon I'll punish you." "Glad you could make it Sailor Moon" Rasped out the youma. I was expecting you to show." "Well I'm glad I didn't dissapoint you Nega sleeze!! Prepare to be dusted!!" Holding out her secpter and with vemench etced on her face she stood in her attack ready pose. The youma rushed her, but Sailor Moon managed to dodge just in time. "Jupiter Thunder Clap ZAP!!" Jupiter secremed as she threw a ball of lighting at the youma. At the exact moment Sailor Mars yelled "Burning Mandala STRIKE!!!" As she launched rings of fire at the inhuman creature. It scremend in pain as both attacks hit him. "Moon Specpter Annialation!!" Screamed Sailor Moon. The creature looked at Sailor Moon with hatred as it turned into dusk.

Just then Sailor Moon sensed HIM. SHe whiped around her hair swirling in their long ponytails. And came face to face with Tuxedo Kamen. He turned with his cold uncaring eyes and was about to leap to the nearest rooftop when a voice stopped him. "WAIT!! Please!" Sailor Moon pleaded. From within her blouse she withdrew her star locket and held it out towards him. "Please.... It can't be over. We have been through so much. Please tell me you still care." With unshed tears shining in her blue eyes, she opened the locket and a pleasent melody began to play. "Please Sailor Moon. It's over. This isn't easy for me either. But it can't go on. It wasn't meant to be." Tuxedo Kamen clenched his fists and turned his gaze to stare at the floor. "You still seem to care for me at times. Like that once when you saved me from an eternal sleep. If you truly don't care then please just tell me you don't love me anymore. Just say you don't love me and I'll never bother you again. I just need to hear those words." Tears started to trickle down her face. "Is that what its going to take?! Those simple words?" Tuxedo Kamen lifted his gaze and stared hard and cold and penetrated deep within her soul. "I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE!!!" He screamed out in anguish.

Sailor Moon felt time stop. Her soul crumpled deep within her. She looked up into his eyes and could tell he meant it. He didn't care. He never did.

Tuxedo Kamen tried to hide his true feelings for his dear Usako. Why did it have to be this way? Why did he have to hurt her so much? His poor dear Usako if she only knew the truth. And how if he stayed with her she would be doomed.

The Sailor Scouts watched on in horror. They couldn't believe what they were witnessing. True Tuxedo Kamen said he didn't care for Sailor Moon many times. They all had to witness her unshed tears and pain. They all had to comfort her with her loss. But never before had he been so cruel and cold. Sailor Mars clenched her hands into fists. She could feel her hatred for Tuxedo Kamen grow. How could he?! How could he be so heartless? So cruel. She didn't notice when her nails started to dig into the palms on her hands. Small drops of blood began to fall from her fists. As she glared at Tuxedo Kamen with utter and complete hate.

None of them noticed the pile of dusted youma in the backround. They didn't notice at how it swirled and moved though there was no wind this dark night. Clouds drifted over the moon and for a moment all was dark. When the moon returned once more the youma was just beginning to open its dark evil red eyes. And with stealth and precision he drew out five shards of crystals. They gleamed in the moonlight. He picked out his target and threw with deadly precison.

"WATCH OUT SAILOR MOON!!!!!" Tuxedo Kamen screamed. He dashed towards her in hope of saving her. Doing anything at all, to protect his dear Usako. But he was to late.

Sailor Moon's face was of utter confusion as she watched Tuxedo Kamen race towards her with such emotion in his eyes. Maybe he had changed his mind. Maybe he cares for me after all. But that expression of confusion changed into one of pain. As she felt the five crystal charges pierce her back. She felt them tear her fleash. They rammed into her with force and one penetrated all the way to the other side through her shoulder, the others logged themselves within her back and dissapered, with a unearthly green glow, leaving the damage for all to bear witness to. Sailor Moon collapsed into the arms of Tuxedo Kamen, who arrived just in time to catch her.

The scouts whirled around and face the youma with utter hatred in each of their eyes. "YOU WILL DIE YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!" Yelled Mars! The youma just laughed evilly. He mockingly saluted the Sailor scouts and vanished into a deep warp hole and returned to the Nega Verse. The echo of his laughter reached the ears of the Sailor Scouts. It was full of malice and conciet. "Mission Accomplished" Those were the last words they heard as he vanished into thin air.

The scouts rushed towards their leader and knelt before her. All of them had utter dispair on their faces. Their unshed tears making their eyes shine brightly in the moonlight.

For them time had stopped. Tuxedo Kamen realized he was a fool. He turned his back to his beloved and now look what had happened. Because of him, he distracted both Sailor Moon, and the Scouts and the youma managed to hurt his love. And what had hurt the most was she was dying with the thought that he didn't love her. He crouched there with her in his arms, and her life fluid slowly forming a pool of blood on the floor.

Sailor Moon was drifting in darkness. She had her hand pressed onto her shoulder, vainly trying to stop the flow of her precious life fluid. She could feel the pain rushing through her system. But most of all she could still her his words run through her mind. "I DON'T LOVE YOU!!" Their echo reached the deepest part of her soul, and filled her with pain. She could feel herself drift within her depths of dispair. She opened her eyes, and stared into Tuxedo Kamen's eyes with love. She coughed and blood trickled from her lips. She could feel death hovering above her. She knew she was going to die.

With her last ounce of strength she lifted her bloody hand from her shoulder and cupped his cheeck. "Mamorou......" Sailor Moon wheezed from her lips. She looked deep into his eyes, with all the love she had to give. "I know you don't love me anymore... *cough* But I want you to know... *cough* You've always been my one true love and always will be. *cough* I'm just sorry I wasn't good enough to deserve your love in return...." Sailor Moon looked deep into Tuxedo Kamen's eyes. She showed him without words how true she loved him, through the windows of her soul Tuxedo Kamen could see the warmth and love she radiated for him. Even after all the pain and suffering he had put her through she still loved him, wholly, and unconditionally. "I love you to Usako." Tuxedo Kamen whispered.

However Sailor Moon couldn't hear those sweet words. For she had died. Her limp hand dragged over his cheeck, leaving a bloddy smear accross it, and landed with a finally thump back onto her chest. Her eyes were wide open still, gazing at the sky but not seeing anything. Her lips curved in a slight smile at her moment of death.

The night was dark and quiet. Nothing moved, there was no breeze, and no moon would shine tonight. A deathly quiet aura had surrounded a group of people in downtown Tokyo. No cars hummed along the roads. All was quiet. Until a deep soul pained scream pierced the air. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!!!!! USAKO!!!!!!"

Epilogue.

Mamoru walked slowly accross the rooftop, with a view overlooking the sea. He gazed accross the vast empty sea devoid of all life, and at the setting sun. He didn't feel much nowadays. All that he could think about was how it was his fault she had died. All while he was trying to protect her by avoiding her, he instead had killed her with his heartless cruel words and actions. And how she died thinking he didn't love her.

He continued along till he reached the very edge of the 60 storey rooftop. Here he looked down but all he could see was a fog drifting around the buildings. He climbed up to the lip of the rooftop.

"Usako I have failed you. In life I tried to protect you by doing what I thought was right." He choked on his tears, but continued. "I'm sorry I never was there for you when it really counted. And I hope you can forgive me. " He stared at the fog swirling through the lower floors of the building. Tears fell from his face and he let them fall. One fell off the side and dissapered into the fog. "I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry. My poor dear Usako. Hopefully in death I can acheive what I couldn't in life. I'm coming to join you Usako. Forgive me."

Mamoru took a step forward, and felt empty air. "My dear Usako, forgive me." And he stepped over the side and fell, into the fog which then swallowed him whole.

THE END