It started out as a typical day. Well, a typical day for an ex-red priest who had recently had a dark lord reborn in his body and had since died and been transported to the mysterious Anthracite Coal Land where he had opened a coffee shop which had the slogan "Great Coffee For A Buck". Rezo was sitting on the front porch holding a mug of plastic army men (since, as we all know, the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup) when he was blinded by a flash of light. Fortunately this blindness was only temporary and he didn't have to go berserk resurrecting ultra-powerful demons to regain the use of his lovely, long-lashed purplish eyes.
A moment later, when his vision cleared, Rezo discovered that there was a woman in a teeny black mini skirt laying unconscious at his feet. Sweatdropping and realizing that the scene would look really bad for him to any passers-by, he quickly set down the mug and hurried inside with her. He left her gently on the couch in his living quarters - which were behind the coffee shop - before preparing for the new work day. Actually, The Red Priest's Coffee Shop of Anthracite Coal Land never had much business except for the occaisonal random anime characters who would wander in every few days, but somehow he managed to stay in business. Such was the mysterious way of the Land of Anthracite Coal.
On this particular day, Andrew and Jadeite had decided to stop in for some breakfast. Rezo chatted with them for a bit, made them some yummy Belgian waffles and the famed Coffee-For-A-Buck, then went back to hang around near the door into his living quarters, where he practiced his skills with the yo-yo. (It was the kind that lights up too.) A few minutes later he realized that the woman he had helped in earlier was coughing weakly. Hurrying in, he saw her sit up and look around in confusion.
"R... Rezo-sama???" she asked in shock when she saw him.
"Ah, yes, do I kn..." Suddenly he came to a realization. "Eris???"
"Rezo-sama, you're alive? And so am I? How..."
"Actually, Eris-chan, I'm dead. And my guess would be that you are too. And... why ARE you wearing that outfit?"
She ignored the last question. "Dead... yes... I died... but... what am I doing here?"
Suddenly a giggling blond girl materialized in the room. "That's a secret!" she chided, before vanishing again.
Rezo and Eris both sweatdropped, then tried to regain a measure of seriousness.
"Oh, Rezo-sama..." Eris choked, near tears. "I missed you so much, and when I heard you'd died..." She shuddered.
"Shh, it's all right," Rezo comforted, trying to hug her but giving up after nearly impaling himself on the big spikes on her shoulders. "We're both alive now, anyway. I think. More or less. Umm... we might as well be."
She looked up at him, and gasped. "Rezo-sama... your eyes..."
He smiled. "Yeah, isn't it great?! I got my eyesight back for no particular reason!!!!"
Eris blushed slightly. "Your eyes... are so beautiful..."
"Well, yours are too. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you I loved you before today. Plot conveniences, you know... I had to act like I didn't care and all that... but I've been busy and missed the rest of the series. Tell me, what's been going on?"
"Well, I went ballistic after you died and swore revenge on Lina Inverse, and tried to kill her with the help of a Copy of you and the resurrection of the Demon Zanaffar, only Copy turned on me and killed me before the resurrection was complete. I think he has a massive inferiority complex."
"I see... you made a Copy of me? Why?"
"Well, I missed you and... ummmmm....." She turned bright red and Rezo decided to let the matter drop.
"So, what do you think we should do now?" Rezo asked. "I mean, is there supposed to be a great quest in here somewhere, or should we just settle down and run this place together?"
"I'd go with Number 2," Eris said. "Besides, I don't really understand how you can run this place all by yourself. You need a waitress or something."
"You have a point," Rezo conceded, "But we have GOT to get you a different outfit."
And they lived happily ever after that but only for a few days. Then another weird thing happened that they really should have been expecting.
"Well, this is interesting," Copy Rezo said to himself, eyeing his surroundings. (A note must be said about his eyes. One was a normal bluish color. The other was orange and looked like it would be more fitting on a reptile. Why his eyes were different from the original Rezo's when they should have been exactly alike physically is yet another mystery.) "I wonder what happened. Two seconds ago I was dying with a sword sticking out of my chest and getting all the heroes to feel sorry for me, and now here I am, Ceipheid knows where, standing in front of..." He looked at the sign on the building he was standing next to. 'The Red Priest's Coffee House of Anthracite Coal Land. Great Coffee For A Buck.'
"WHAT????" Copy said in disbelief, eyes bugging out. "I can't believe it. It... it's impossible. Simply impossible. NO ONE sells great coffee for only a buck!" He simply had to check this out, so he charged inside.
"Oh, hey Rezo," said Rubeus, who was sitting at the bar holding a cappuccino. "Hey, you changed your outfit. And what's with the colored contacts?"
"What ARE you talking about? Who are you? How'd you get your hair to do that?" Copy asked.
"Ummm..." Rubeus was even more confused when, a second later, the original Rezo walked in from the back. The two Rezos stared at each other in disbelief, and Rubeus looked back and forth between them. "Uh, I think I'll be going now. I, uh, have to go meet with Rei," he said, sneaking out quickly (and taking the cappuccino with him.)
"Whaaaa?" both Rezos said at the same instant.
"Are you the Copy?" said Rezo.
"Are you the original?" said Copy.
"Wow," said Rezo, "You're cute."
"You too," said Copy.
"Yuck! That is SOOO sick!" said everyone else.
Eris walked in, wearing her cute little waitress outfit. It was somewhat similar to the one she'd been wearing before, minus the dangerous shoulder spikes. She looked at Rezo. She looked at Copy. She looked at Rezo again. She looked back at Copy. She looked at The Moonlight Knight who was sitting ignored (as usual) at the bar. She looked back at Rezo. She looked at Copy. She looked at Rezo. She-
*exactly 5½ pages of Eris looking back and forth has been cut. We are sorry for any confusion this may cause, but space was limited. -Ed.*
"It's... YOU!" Eris said, running and hiding behind Rezo.
"Eris, what are you doing here? Aren't you dead? Isn't he dead too? For that matter, aren't I dead??????"
Suddenly a strange girl burst into the room. "No, you're wrong! Alive, alive! Everyone's alive! HAPPY! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!"
She ran around yelling such things for a little while until the blond-haired giggly girl and a black-haired girl showed up and dragged her away. "Geez, Patches, you've been eating pretzels again, ne?" the blond girl muttered. "Sorry about that, folks!" she said as the door swung shut behind them. Two Rezos and an Eris blinked in confusion.
"Whatever plot was supposed to show up hasn't yet," Rezo complained. "What are we supposed to do now?"
"Umm, actually, I think I'm supposed to end up getting set up with someone," said Copy. "I hope."
"Well, from the way this saga has been going, it will most likely be a guy," Eris informed him.
Copy pulled a very amusing facefault. "I... think I'll pass..."
"Hey, wait, I have an idea!" Rezo said. "All you need to do is get some crayons and draw a picture. The person you draw will be your one true love."
"Oh, okay. That sounds simple enough." And he got to work.
Rezo and Eris decided to draw too out of boredom, and after a little while they were all ready. Eris was done first - a very nice picture of the original Rezo that made him smile a bit self-consciously and made Copy almost cry. (Aw.) A few minutes later Rezo was finished as well.
"Oooh, let me see!" Eris yelled, snatching his picture away. "I want to see what kind of likeness of me you'll... AAHHH!"
She held up the picture Rezo had drawn of his staff, fire burning in her eyes.
"Ummm, I drew my second true love?" he ventured.
Luckily he was saved from Eris' wrath (hey, that's episode 23) when Copy finished his picture. He shyly held it up for all to see.
"Hey, that's me!" Eris said. "You can't make me believe I'm your true love! You KILLED me for crying out loud!"
"So I made a few mistakes," he reasoned. "Everyone makes mistakes. Besides, I was Evil then. I'm not any more."
(Insert pause as readers slap their foreheads in frustration at the annoyingly clear lines between Good and Evil)
Rezo sighed. "Look, she's taken, and if you think I'm even going to consider a menage a troi relationship with myself..."
"Hey, YOU just suggested it, not me," Copy pointed out.
"Doh."
"Look, that doesn't matter. What matters is..."
"Umm," said the previously ignored Moonlight Knight who now had lines as a plot device, "Why don't you just make a Copy Eris?"
"Good idea!" the three chorused. And they immediately ran off to do so.
And returned a minute later.
"Ano... where do we do that????" they chorused.
In reply, a brochure fell from the sky.
"Al's Discount Copy Center! 25% Off Every Day! Satisfaction Gauranteed!" What they didn't notice was that "not" had been written in tiny faint letters in between the words "satisfaction" and "gauranteed". They happily ran off to fulfill their quest and let the sleep-starved author finally get to bed.
I know, I know, what a cliffhanger! Maybe some day my brain will short out and I'll be able to finish it. ^_^*
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