HEY
EVERYBODY- THIS IS DAN AGAIN- IN THIS PAGE I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE RIGHT
TO BAD MOUTH OSTENSIBLY ANY, BUT IN REALITY ,EVERY, STREETFIGHTER THAT
EVER HAD A REPUTATION !!!!! I WILL BEGIN BY STARTING WITH THE MOST POPULAR
OF STREETFIGHTERS
THE EVIL ONE KNOWN AS-
RYU!!!!
DON'T BE FOOLED BY THIS GUY!!!!- HE
IS EVIL INCARNATE!!!! HIS ASCENSION TO THE TOP SPOT OF STREETFIGHTER IS
MUCH LIKE THE RISE OF A SHAKESPEAREAN VILLAIN ( SUCH AS IAGO) OR AN EPISODE
OF MELROSE PLACE. ORIGINALLY FRIENDLY SAGAT (THE BALD GUY WITH
AN EYE PATCH), WAS SLATED TO BE THE MAIN MAN IN THE SF GAMES- HOWEVER RYU,
PUMPED UP WITH JEALOUSY TO AN ALMOST RELIGIOUS FERVOUR, HATCHED AN EVIL
PLOT BEHIND HIS BACK.
AS SAGAT PREPARED HIMSELF TO BE THE ONLY PLAYABLE
CHARACTER IN THE GAME, RYU WAS PULLING STRINGS IN THE BACKGROUND.....
UNBEKNOWNST TO MANY, ZANGIEF, THE RUSSIAN
BEHEMOTH WAS SLATED TO BE A CHARACTER IN SF1. RYU SOMEHOW PERSUADED ZANGIEF,
WHO HAD AS YET, NOT TRULY DISCOVERED WHAT HIS SEXUALITY WAS, THAT SAGAT
WAS COMING ONTO HIM. (THE DETAILS OF THIS STORY ARE TOO SORDID, EVEN FOR
ME(DAN) TO GO INTO). THE END RESULT WAS, ON THE NIGHT BEFORE SAGAT WAS
TO BECOME HEAD HONCHO STREETFIGHTER, RYU SENT ZANGIEF INTO SAGAT'S BEDROOM.....
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT BEDROOM, BUT THE SCREAMS OF PAIN WERE
HORRIBLE INDEED. THE NEXT MORNING SAGAT EMERGED WITH ONE LESS EYE, NO HAIR,
A SCAR ACROSS HIS CHEST AND A HORRIBLE RICTUS FROWN..HE WAS SCARRED FOR
LIFE. ZANGIEF ON THE OTHER HAND, CAME OUT WITH HUNDREDS OF SCARS- HOWEVER,
AT LEAST HE KNEW HE WAS STRAIGHT AS AN ARROW- NEVER AGAIN WOULD HE STRAY
FROM THE FLOCK........
CAPCOM DECIDED THAT SAGAT HAD LOST HIS AESTHETIC
APPEAL- NO LONGER WOULD HE BE A A CHARACTER, INSTEAD HE COULD ONLY BE AN
END BOSS.....- ZANGIEF, DUE TO HIS ABNORMAL BEHAVIOUR WAS PUNISHED BY BEING
BANISHED FROM THE FIRST STREETFIGHTER .
RYU HAD MEANWHILE DONE CERTAIN FAVOURS FOR
CERTAIN FEMALES IN HIGH POSITIONS-HE WAS GUARANTEED A PLACE AS A PLAYABLE
CHARACTER.......
SUCH IS THE EVIL OF RYU- IN FACT THE DUFFLE
BAG YOU SEE RYU CARRYING IN ALMOST ALL OF HIS ENDINGS CONTAINS AN ACME
EVIL VILLAIN'S KIT - SPECIAL GOOD GUY FRAMING EDITION!!
IT IS ALSO AN UNCOMMONLY KNOWN FACT THAT IT
WAS RYU WHO FIRST INTRODUCED M.BISON( WHO TOO WAS SLATED TO BE A
GOOD GUY) TO TAKE DRUGS AND EVENTUALLY BECOME A DRUG LORD......
RYU IS ALSO ASSCOCIATED WITH THE EVIL BERT
FROM SESAME STREET
BELOW IS A PIC OF BERT AND THE KLU KLUX KLAN-
THE GUY IN THE HOOD IS RYU.
KEN
MASTERS- IF THAT REALLY IS YOUR LAST NAME?????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????
KEN IS RYU'S LACKEY - AND NOT JUST A NORMAL LACKEY- KEN SUFFERS FROM A PSYCHOCHEMICAL/ENVIRONMENTAL ABNORMALITY. KEN HAS SOMETHING KNOWN ONLY AS "REJECT, SECOND RATE , BUMMY PARTNER O' TWO BEEF PATTIES SPECIAL SAUCE, LETTUCE , CHEESE , PICKLES ON A SESAME BUN" SYNDROME.
IN AN INTERVIEW WITH A PSYCHIATRIST WHO HAD DIAGNOSED KEN WITH HIS CONDITION THE FOLLOWING WAS SAID-
RONALD MACDONALD( PSYCHIATRIST )- WELL KEN
WAS BORN WITH A CHEMICAL DISORDER IN THE BRAIN BEING THE SECOND BORN OF
A PAIR OF UNIDENTICAL TWINS
SINCE THEN, KEN HAS ALWAYS STRIVEN TO BECOME
NUMBER TWO IN EVERYTHING HE HAS EVER DONE. AT SCHOOL, KEN WAS CAUGHT TAKING
MARKS OFF HIS OWN PAPER IN ORDER TO COME SECOND. FROM THERE, KEN BECAME
A SECOND RATE ACTOR WHO SOUGHT ONLY SUPPORTING ROLES IN SECOND RATE MOVIES.
HIS NAME IS PART OF HIS TREATMENT ACTUALLY.
IN ORDER TO ALLOW KEN TO FURTHER ASSERT HIMSELF , WE CHANGED IT FROM KEN
DE FOLLOWEUR TO KEN MASTERS
END INTERVIEW....
BEFORE BECOMING A STREETFIGHTER KEN HAD TRIED OUT AS THE PART OF IOLAUS IN HERCULES-THE LEGENDARY JOURNEYS. AFTER BEING REJECTED, KEN CAME ACROSS RYU IN A SECOND RATE PART OF TOWN. RYU TOOK LITTLE TIME TO CORRUPT KEN, AND FROM THAT TIME ON KEN HAS SPIRALLED INTO SECOND RATEDNESS.....
IT WAS ACTUALLY KEN WHO FORCED THE PROGRAMMERS AT CAPCOM TO MAKE ALL THE ADDITIONS ONTO STREETFIGHTER2, AS KEN THOUGHT THAT IN THE ORIGINAL(WORLD WARRIOR) HE WASN'T PROMINANTLY SECOND TO RYU- SINCE MANY CONTINUED TO PICK HIM INSTEAD OF RYU
SO REMEMBER- NEXT TIME YOU PLAY ANY STREETFIGHTER DON'T PICK KEN( OR IF YOUR PLAYING XMEN VS STREETFIGHTER - PIC KEN AS YOUR SECOND CHARACTER)- IF YOU DO PICK KEN YOU WILL SIMPLY WORSEN HIS PSYCHIACTRIC DISORDER
RECENTLY THERE HAS BEEN MUCH SPECULATION ABOUT WHETHER KEN AND RYU ARE HAVING A GAY RELATIONSHIP. MANY SAY THAT THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE AS KEN HAS A WIFE- HOWEVER THIS IS ONLY THE ON SCREEN WOMAN........ IN ANY CASE, IF THEY ARE - YOU CAN BE SURE HE'S PLAYING THE PASSIVE ROLE( NB. I DID NOT USE FEMALE AS THIS MAY OFFEND FEMALES READING THIS- SUBSTITUTE GENDER INSTEAD OF PASSIVE ACCORDING TO YOUR OWN AFFILIATIONS).