Get your own Free Home Page
ATTN:IF YOU HATE CHAIN LETTERS...
Margaret Gorman wrote:
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am
suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme
virginity, fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution,
and guilt for not
forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters
sent to me by people who
actually believe that if you send them on, then
that poor 6 year old
girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead
will be able to raise
enough money to have it removed before her
redneck parents sell her off
to the traveling freak show. Do you honestly
believe that Bill Gates is
going to give you and everyone you send "his"
email to $1000? How
stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll
down this page and make a
wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in
the magazine! What a bunch
of bullshit. So basically, this message is a
big FUCK YOU to all the
people out there who have nothing better to do
than to send me stupid
chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain
letter leprechauns will come
into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep
for not continuing the
chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and
was brought to this
country by albino midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and
if it makes it to the
year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of
World Records for longest
continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck
them. If you're going to
forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I've seen
all the "send this to 50 of your closest
friends, and this poor,
wretched excuse for a human being will somehow
receive a nickel from
some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.
I don't fucking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what
you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards.
Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
----------------------------------Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
***********
************
*************
**************
***************
****************
*****************
****************
***************
**************
*************
************
***********
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
***********
************
*************
**************
***************
****************
*****************
****************
***************
**************
*************
************
***********
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
Make a wish!!!
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
***********
************
*************
**************
***************
****************
*****************
****************
***************
**************
*************
************
***********
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
***********
************
*************
**************
***************
****************
*****************
****************
***************
**************
*************
************
***********
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
No, really, go on and make one!!!
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
***********
************
*************
**************
***************
****************
*****************
****************
***************
**************
*************
************
***********
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
***********
************
*************
**************
***************
****************
*****************
****************
***************
**************
*************
************
***********
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
***********
************
*************
**************
***************
****************
*****************
****************
***************
**************
*************
************
***********
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
***********
************
*************
**************
***************
****************
*****************
****************
***************
**************
*************
************
***********
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
Is your finger getting tired yet?
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
***********
************
*************
**************
***************
****************
*****************
****************
***************
**************
*************
************
***********
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
***********
************
*************
**************
***************
****************
*****************
****************
***************
**************
*************
************
***********
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? :)
Hope you made a great wish :)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what
I'll do. First of all, if
you don't send this to 5096 people in the next
5 seconds, you will be
raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high
building into a pile of
manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't
like all of those fake
ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be
pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off
at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off
at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may
form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off
at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will firebomb
your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
-------------------------------Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter.
You see, there is a starving little boy in
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's
life could be saved, because for every time you
pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the
Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy
from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and
remember, we have absolutely no
way of counting the emails sent and this is
all a complete load of bullshit.
So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the
next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder if you
accidentally send this to 4 or 6
people, you will die instantly.
Thanks again!!
--------------------------------Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in
existence since 1897. This is absolutely
incredible because there was no email then
and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
So this is how it works:
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7
minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school
on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it.
She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer,
was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying
out over a waterfall.
Not only did she smell nasty, she died.
This Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got this chain
letter in his mail and ignored it.
Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way).
They both died and went to hell
and were cursed to eat adorable kittens
every day for an eternity.
This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you
could end up just like Pinsley and Bip.
Just send this letter to all of your loser friends,
and everything will be okay.
--------------------------------Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
Send it to every one of your friends.
~~~Friends~~~
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though
you stink of shit, and your breath smells like
you've been eating catfood.
A friend is someone who likes you even though
you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes.
A friend is someone who cleans up for you
after you've soiled yourself.
A friend is someone who stays with you all
night while you cry about your sad, sad life.
A friend is someone who pretends they like
you when they really think you should be raped
by mad chimpanzees, then thrown to vicious dogs.
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet,
vacuums and then gets the
check and leaves and doesn't speak much
English...no, sorry that's the cleaning lady.
A friend is not someone who sends you chain
letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never
have sex ever again.
The point being?
If you get some chain letter that's
threatening to leave you shagless or
luckless for the rest of your life, delete
it. If it's funny, send it to people.
Don't piss people off by making them
feel guilty about a leper in
Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a
dead elephant for 27 years,
whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter
he'll receive if you forward
this mail, otherwise you'll end up like
Miranda. Right?
Now forward this to everyone you know,
otherwise you'll have hair growing from your teeth
so you'll always be swallowing hair
and coughing up hairballs.
Oh yeah, it's poisonous hair,
so if you try to digest it
you'll have explosive diarrhea for 6 years.
© 1997 starpeppy@hotmail.com
Get your own Free Home Page