Dear Reyer School: God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said f*** you. Sincerely, Edna Johnston
Four teenagers and their trusted dog gallop across the country in their purple and green van solving mysteries of all sort--and in the process meet all kinds of interesting people.
The Truth:
Four high-school dropouts and their sentient dog ride around the country in their psychedelic love machine, earning their way by selling drugs. Oh, and they occasionally take some old guy's mask off to solve a mystery,.. but even then, it starts to become apparent that those kids always seem to 'find' trouble.
It may be a little hard to swallow, but just take a look at the evidence:
Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration for the current 'grunge' scene, with his sloppy dress and facial hair, but Shaggy is obviously a 'burner', i.e., he smokes marijuana. Why do you think he is constantly hungry? Shaggy can make a six foot hoagie and swallow it whole.
And then there is Scooby himself. While dogs do not generally smoke joints, Scooby gets his 'high' from Scooby-Snacks, which are in fact Hash-Brownies. Whenever Scooby, or Shaggy for that matter, eats a Scooby-Snack, they go ape! It just blows their mind and they do whatever they are told, because they are so lit! Scooby is also hungry all the time.
The other characters do not actively take part in the stoner-fest that Shaggy and Scooby do, but they do condone the selling of it because it helps support their jaunts across the country (and the world--they drove to China once). These other characters do have their own peculiarities however...
Fred and Daphne are always splintering off from the group to go 'solve the case' by themselves. It's no real mystery what these two are really doing--they're getting busy in the back of the Mystery Machine.
Daphne with her pretty pink, well, legs and Fred are constantly bumping uglies. Fred is, by the way, pumped up on steroids. One thing that remains a mystery to me though, is why he always wore that stupid scarf around his neck.
And what about Velma? Everyone's least favorite of the cast, was of course, a lesbian. But, as it turned out in the later episodes, she was also into bestiality. Where do you think Scrappy-Doo came from? Scrappy, who was a dog yet spoke perfect english, was obviously a product of Velma and Scooby.
So the kids spent their teenage years driving around the world, slingin' dope, shooting steroids, eating hash brownies, and screwin' their dog, while all the while looking for the perfect 'hit'.
1. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
( Never call a man a pig again; why insult the pig?)
2. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(See #20 below)
3. The venom in a Daddy Long-Legs spider is more poisonous
than a Black Widow's or a Brown Recluse, but they cannot
bite humans because their jaws won't open wide enough.
(As if there weren't already enough reasons to have
arachnophobia)
4. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
(see what I mean?)
5. If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads
5,000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture
weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom. (This blows
the 8th grade probability theory all to hell)
6. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or
older. (Sorry gang; I called dibbs on this)
7. Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to
carrots. (Ahbahdee Ahbadee, that's all folks)
8. Humans and Dolphins are the only species that have sex
for pleasure. (And I have my suspicions about some of
the humans ...)
9. The pop you get when you crack your knuckles is actually
a bubble of gas bursting. (Another good reason not to
shake hands with strangers)
10. 101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two
Disney cartoons that feature two-parent families in
which neither parent dies during the course of the movie.
(Let's hear it for family values)
11. The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze
completely solid. (Not surprisingly, another record was
set that winter: most deaths from going over the falls
in a barrel)
12. There's no Betty Rubble in Flintstone Chewables (Blatant
sexism rears its ugly head; think I'll see if Sammy Sosa
will boycott)
13. It's impossible to get water out of a rimless tire.
(What the hell is a rimless tire?)
14. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an
hour. (Or rather it would burn 150 calories an hour if
one didn't pass out in the first five minutes)
15. Did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a
champagne cork than by a poisonous spider?
(Oh great. Do they have a word like "arachnophobia" meaning
"fear of being killed by a champagne cork"?)
16. In Minnesota it is illegal to cross state lines with a duck
on your head. (Geese, however, are perfectly acceptable)
17. In Indiana it is illegal to ride public transportation for
at least 30 minutes after eating garlic. (But because no
one in Indiana recognizes any spices besides salt, pepper,
and A-1 Steak Sauce, no one has ever broken this law)
18. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer
than left-handed people do. (Heaven knows the lefties
deserve a break after years of cutting with right-handed
scissors)
19. Polar bears are left handed. (They, too, live shorter lives
than their right-pawed counterparts)
20. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. (Nyah Nyah)
21. A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it
starves to death. (But again, please consult your physician
before trying this or any other diet)
22. Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I'm still sticking with
the pigs; quality over quantity any day)
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says,"Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Again, he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron. He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog reply's, Ribbit Lucky frog.
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. What do you think frog?, the man asks. Ribbit 3 wood. The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, OK where to next? The frog replies, Ribbit Las Vegas.
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, OK frog, now what? The frog says, Ribbit Roulette. Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, What do you think I should bet? The frog replies, Ribbit $3000, black 6. Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful. The frog replies, Ribbit Kiss Me. He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year old girl.
And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room so help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.
THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 bourbon 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox AGE SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiance is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for the weekend. 66 My second wife is dead. AGE FAVORITE SPORT 17 sex 25 sex 35 sex 48 sex 66 napping AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 "tongue" 25 "breakfast" 35 "She didn't set back my therapy." 48 "I didn't have to meet her kids." 66 "Got home alive." AGE FAVORITE FANTASY 17 getting to third 25 airplane sex 35 menage a trois 48 taking the company public 66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 17 25 25 35 35 48 48 66 66 17 AGE IDEAL DATE 17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in 25 "Split the check before we go back to my place" 35 "Just come over." 48 "Just come over and cook." 66 "Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas."THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK 17 Wine Coolers 25 White wine 35 Red wine 48 Dom Perignon 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser AGE EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES 17 Need to wash my hair 25 Need to wash and condition my hair 35 Need to colour my hair 48 Need to have Francois colour my hair 66 Need to have Francois colour my wig AGE FAVORITE SPORT 17 shopping 25 shopping 35 shopping 48 shopping 66 shopping AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 "Burger King" 25 "Free meal" 35 "A diamond" 48 "A bigger diamond" 66 "Home Alone" AGE FAVORITE FANTASY 17 tall, dark and handsome 25 tall, dark and handsome with money 35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain 48 a man with hair 66 a man AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 17 17 25 25 35 35 48 48 66 66 AGE IDEAL DATE 17 He offers to pay 25 He pays 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids 66 He can chew breakfast
1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear to) handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about 78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons.
5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
IN CONCLUSION - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
"Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?"
"Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she's most likely to roll over and play dead."
Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go, Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."
The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice, "Oh Santa, don't run a mile; just stay for a while..."
Santa begins to sweat but replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."
The girl takes off her bra and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay."
Santa wipes his brow but replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go, gotta get the presents to the children, you know."
She loses the panties and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay...."
Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow, says, "HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay, Can't get up the chimney with my pecker this way!!!"
Q: Why doesn't Santa have any children?
A: Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.
Q: Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?
A: Because they were originally made for children but it's the
fathers who want to play with them.
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
A: You do all the work, and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Q: How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?
A: They both have ornamental balls.
Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive?"
A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and
call him names..."
Q: What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male
reindeer out on Christmas Eve?
A: They go into town, and blow a few bucks.
Q: What's the difference between snowmen and snow ladies ?
A: Snowballs.
Q: Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
A: Because the snow blower was coming down the block.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
A: Because it's too far to walk.
So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said "Let me in, please, the wolf just blew down my house!!" So the stick pig let the straw pig in. Then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm going to huff and puff and blow your house down!" And he did!
So, the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig'shouse and said "Let us in! The wolf just blew down our houses and we're scared!!!" So the brick pig let them in. The wolf caught up with them and said "I'm going to huff, and puff and blow your house down." While he was huffing and puffing, the straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and called a friend. A few minutes passed and all of a sudden this big, black stretch limo drove up. Out came two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedoras. These huge pigs came over to the wolf and grabbed him by the neck and proceeded to beat the crap out of him. One of them pulled out a gun and fired into the wolf's mouth. Then they left the wolf for dead, got back into their limo and drove off.
The straw pig and the stick pig were amazed!!! They asked the brick pig, "Who the hell were those guys?" And the brick pig said "Oh, those are my cousins...the Guinea Pigs.
The man says," I'll have a pint", and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have a pint as well" says the ostrich. Bloke looks at the cat, and says "I suppose you want a drink, too." "The cat replies, "I'll have a half, but I ain't payin'!"
So the barman pulls two and a half pints, and says, "That'll be three pounds forty, please." The man reaches into his pocket, feels around, and, to the barman's surprise, pulls out exactly the three-forty in change.
A while later, the same thing happens, and the man pulls the exact amount out of the same pocket.
The next day, the man, the ostrich, and the cat return to the same bar. "I'll have a pint," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich. The cat orders up a half and says, "But I ain't payin'!"
Repeat of yesterday. The bloke pays each time with the exact amount from his pocket.
This becomes almost a regular routine until, late one evening, the trio enter again. "The same?" asks the barman. "Well", says the man, "it's close to last orders. I'll have a large scotch." He turns to the ostrich enquiringly. The bird says, "I'll have a large scotch as well." The cat says, "I'll have a small scotch... but I ain't payin'!"
The barman rings up the drinks and turns, with a sly grin, "That'll be seven pounds twenty, please." To his amazement, the man pulls the exact seven and twenty out of his pocket.
As the trio are finishing their drinks, the barman can't contain his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir, but before you leave there's something I must know... how do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket...every time?"
"Well", says the man, "it's a long story. But basically, several years ago I took care of an old lady well into her nineties, and when she died, she left me her old house. Nothing special, but as I was cleaning out the attic, I found an old lamp, and when I rubbed it, this genie appeared and offered me two wishes."
"That's fantastic", says the barkeep, "What did you wish for?" "Well, if I ever need to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right money will always be there."
"That's brilliant," says the barman, "most people would wish for a million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live."
"That's right, whether its a quart of milk or even a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there. The best thing I ever did!"
As he turns to go, the barman calls him back and says, "One last thing, sir... err, your friends there... we don't get many cats or ostriches drinkin' in 'ere...?"
The man looks glum. "Yes, I know. That's probably the worst thing I ever did, but I'm stuck with 'em. You see, for my second wish from the genie, I asked for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy."
Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls -- inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. Its hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck ("Will it cook faster if I drive faster?"), but some of these come pretty close. Warning: do not attempt to adjust your screen -- these are real incidents, true stories -- from the front lines!
* Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity and couldn't get out. She tried pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the dog became more and more distraught. After calming the woman down, the Talk-Line home economist suggested carefully cutting the opening in the cavity of the turkey wider. It worked and Fido was freed!
* Taking turkey preparation an extra step, a Virginian wondered, "How do you thaw a fresh turkey?" The Talk-Line staffer explained that fresh turkeys aren't frozen and don't need to be thawed.
* Don't wait until the last minute! On Thanksgiving Day, a Georgian woman took the "Be prepared" motto to heart. She had just agreed to host Thanksgiving Dinner and called the Talk-Line a year ahead of time for turkey tips.
* Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed. The woman responded, "I don't know, it's still running around outside."
* Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn't Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu.
* White meat, anyone? A West Coast woman took turkey preparation to extremes by scrubbing her bird with bleach. Afterward, she called the Talk-Line to find out how to clean off the bleach. To her dismay, she was advised to dispose of the turkey.
* A young girl called on behalf of her mother who needed roasting advice. To provide approximate roasting times, the home economist asked what size the turkey was. Without asking her mother the little girl paused, then replied, "Medium."
http://www.butterball.com/butterball/gr-hits.html
The project, aimed at long space missions lasting months, such as a trip to Mars, is reported in this week's issue of New Scientist, a London-based science magazine.
The methane gas given off by the disposal unit could be used to power the spacecraft, the scientists told the magazine.
"This will be a revolution in the science of biodegradation," said Vyacheslav Ilyin, head of the microbial ecology laboratory at the Institute for Biological and Medical Problems at the Russian State Research Center.
Ilyin could not immediately be reached for comment Wednesday night.
Onboard washing machines are not exactly a priority, and in the United States, astronauts are rationed to a gallon and a half of water a day for a shower. Underwear is changed daily on U.S. shuttle missions and every three days on space station missions, NASA said.
"Cosmonauts identify waste as one of the most acute problems they encounter in space," Ilyin was quoted as saying.
Aboard Mir, the Russian space station, waste is stored in sealed containers until a module arrives with fresh supplies. The waste is then transferred to the module to be burned up when the spacecraft re-enters the Earth's atmosphere, the magazine said.
But the modules only arrive about twice a year, the magazine said.
The search for the most suitable combination of microbes is expected to take up to a decade, New Scientist said. Researchers aim to have the device ready by 2017, when Russia hopes to launch its first crewed interplanetary mission.
One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: (swallowing) Me: Hello AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T... Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T... Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes This is AT&T... Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please? Me: May I ask who is calling? AT&T: This is AT&T. Me: OK, hold on. At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting. Me: Hello? AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron? Me: May I ask who is calling please? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T... Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T... Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron? Me: Yes, is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes sir. Me: The phone company? AT&T: Yes sir. Me: I thought you said this was AT&T. AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company. Me: I already have a phone. AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron. Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling. When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this lady was persistent. AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering. Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir, that's right! 24 hours a day! Me: 7 days a week? AT&T: That's right. Me: 365 days a year? AT&T: Yes sir. Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing! AT&T: We think so! Me: That's quite a sum of money! AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up. Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance? AT&T: Excuse me? Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute. AT&T: What are you talking about? Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment. AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute. Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T? AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but...... Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me. AT&T: No sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for..... Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please! AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary. Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later? AT&T: What? Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold. So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food: Supervisor: Mr. Byron? Me: Yeth? Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program. Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is. I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort. Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan. Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you. Me: Thank you. I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone. AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan? Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother... AT&T: (click) Thanx, Cathy Gilstrap
The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral.
"Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce" the man said.
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back.
"That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in Interest" the loan officer said.
The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait sir," the loan officer said, "While you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40"