Yes, my camera is so advanced, it can capture speech.

Messeges From The David Letterman Imposter:

Subject: A few facts you should know
From: David Letterman
Date: 6:14 pm thursday february 17,2000

I was surfing the net and I just happened to stumble upon your
web page, I was at your stalking page, and I went to your
stalker letter because I was in fact the one that was getting
stalked.  I read it and there is a few mistakes that who ever
wrote it made.  First: I DO like blueberry muffins.  Second:  I
don't shop at Walmart.  Third:  I do eat the crust of my toast
thank you very much.  So I would like you to tell who ever wrote
that letter, who ever is "stalking" me, that the next time they
put a letter adressed to me on the internet where any one who
wanted to could see it to make sure that they have all their
facts straight.

Thank you
--David Letterman
Talk Show Host

P.S.  I would have signed THIS in blood, but I am on a computer.

The reply:
 

Subject: IMPOSTER!!!
From: The Stalker
Date: 3:35 pm wednesday march 1, 2000

YOU IMPOSTER!!!
I was watching you eat buttered toast MINUS the crust at percisely
6:14PM the EXACT time you somehow posted a messege to this board!
I know everything you do! I'm actually stalking the REAL Letterman
right now. I've set up camp on his front lawn, and am on my lap
top computer.
So, STOP IMPERSONATING DAVID LETTERMAN!!!

Thank you
--The Stalker Lindsey (not the webmistress Lindsey)
Stalker

P.S.-- I would have replyed earlier, but they didn't let me on the
computer while I was in jail.

David Letterman Imposter:

Subject: messed up much???
From: David Letterman
Date: 9:50 pm wednesday march 8, 2000

Just who do you think you are calling me an IMPOSTER?!?!?!?
You have NO right to do that.  I shall have to sick my bodyguards
on you.  How could you watch me while I eating my buttered toast
MINUS the crust?!?!?!?  I EAT THE CRUSTS OF MY TOASTS DARN
YOU!!!!! You are not stalking the REAL Letterman right now,
because I AM the REAL David LEtterman right now. There is no camp
set up on my front lawn, and no one with a lap top computer.

So, STOP IMPERSONATING MY STALKER!!!!

Thank you

--David Letterman
Talk Show Host

P.S.I would have replyed earlier, but I thought you people would
have felt guilty about IMPERSONATING my stalker and not have
replied, but I guess you are a LOT stupider than I thought.

The stalker retaliates:

Subject: Yes, actually... I am.
From: The Stalker
Date: 5:47 pm thursday march 9, 2000

Do you know why there is no camp set up on your front lawn?
BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT THE REAL LETTERMAN!
I can outrun the REAL David Letterman's body guards... have
before... They're vicious!
I think you're having an identity crisis. OR maybe YOU'RE stalking
ME, and you think playing "mind games" with me, and trying to
trick me into believing that you're the REAL Letterman will get me
to love you. Well, it won't. My heart belongs to the REAL David
Letterman. Although, I'm sure we can have something on the side.
Just don't tell Dave.
OR maybe YOU'RE stalking the REAL Dave too, and want to get me off
his trail so you can have him all to yourself! Well, too bad! I'm
not backing off!

--The REAL Stalker

P.S.-- I would have replied later, but I have a lot of free time
on my hands right now. Davie is at K-Mart getting some new
underware, and a kettle thats on sale this week. Its a nice one,
too!

The Imposter Letterman:

Subject: weirdo
From: David Letterman
Date: 6:03 pm friday march 24, 2000

Yes, I do know why there is no camp set up on your front lawn, it
it because there IS no camp set up on my front lawn!!!  You can't
outrun MY body guards.  And if you have you would not be able to
live to tell about it. You are right about one thing though, thay
are vicious! I think you are the one that is having the identity
crisis. Why would I want a crazy physco wanna be stalker to love
me???  Trust me I have much better taste that that!!!!  I think
that I will pass on that "thing on the side with you" I don't
know what horid things you would give me.

--David Letterman
Talkshow Host

P.S. I (The REAL David Letterman) do not shop at Kmart.  I would
rather go to places that have a little bit more class.

The Stalker:

Subject: I prefer psycho freak
From: The Stalker
Date: 2:45 pm saturday march 25, 2000

The REAL David Letterman's body guards are vicious. Your wannabe
body guard lawn flamingos are NOT vicious. And they're not very
good body guards either. They just stand there... on one leg. I
mean, I'm happy to see they can keep themeselves balanced, its
just that they're not very intimidating!
HEY!-- I've had all of my shots!... well, most of them... well, if
you ever change your mind, we can still have that thing on the
side. Just don't tell the REAL Letterman. I don't want him to get
jealous, or anything.

--The Stalker
Professional Stalker

P.S. The REAL David Letterman (not you, because you are the
IMPOSTER Letterman) DOES shop at Kmart. He likes to pretend he
doesn't have any class like the rest of us.

The Imposter Letterman

Subject: What ever
From: David Letterman
Date: 4:02 pm saturday march 25, 2000

Yes, I KNOW that the REAL David Letterman's body guards are
vicious, because I have watched them in action.  I am sure that
you have had many shots, had many needles stuck into your arm by
some violent nurse who things it's fun to watch little kids in
pain, but I still don't wanna tempt it.  There is NO way that eye
am going to change my mind about the whole dating you thing.
Could you just see the headlines "David Letterman Dating a Physco
Freak:  Details inside".  No thank you.  The REAL David Letterman
won't get jealous, or anything if I were to go mental and start
dating you, because how could I get jealous of myself?

--David Letterman
Talkshow Host

P.S. No, I AM the REAL David Letterman and I DO NOT shop at
Kmart. I like to pretend that I do have class unlike the rest of
you, because I, unlike the rest of you DO have class.

The Stalker

Subject: Drugs are good--uh, bad! BAD!!!
From: The Stalker
Date: 3:36 pm sunday march 26, 2000

You've watched the REAL Letterman's body guards in action!?! COOL!
So, you ARE stalking him too, eh? Thats cool. I can see why. He's
hot stuff.
Yes, in addition to numerous shots and needles, I've also endured
un-human-like amounts of wonderful drugs, and electo-shock
therapy. I don't particularly like the shock therapy, because I
end up smelling like hot dogs.
Ok, if you're sure you don't want to hook up right now, thats ok.
My eyes are only for the REAL David Letterman anyways.
You can't be jealous of yourself, because you are the IMPOSTER
Letterman.

The Stalker
--Professional Stalker

P.S.-- The REAL Letterman (not you because you are an imposter)
also shops at Target, but you probably already knew that because
you stalk the REAL Letterman, too. I'm surprised we havn't had a
run-in before.

The Imposter Letterman

Subject: On CRACK much?!?!?!?!
From: David Letterman
Date: 6:16 pm friday march 31, 2000

Yes, I HAVE watched the REAL Letterman's body guards in action.
That is because they are guarding ME, because I AM THE REAL DAVID
LETTERMAN!!!!!!!!!  No, I am not stalking him, and nither are
you, you crack head. I must say that I DO agree with you about me
being hot stuff.  Maybe you are not so physco after all.  Do you
sell the drugs as well as take them??  Not that eye'm intrested
or any thing.  What do you have against the smell of hot dogs??
I, myself can't stand them, but that is just because of my tramic
childhood.  Yes, I am SURE that I don't want to hook up with you
EVER!!!!!!!  Even if you DO have eye's only for me.  No, I think
that you are mistaken, I can't be jealous of myself, because I am
the REAL David Letterman.  And is' kinda hard to be jealous of
myself.

--David Letterman
Talkshow Host

The Stalker

Subject:  No, I gave it up for lent
From: The Stalker
Date: 12:17 pm saturday april 1, 2000

I see you are dilusional. It's alright. I know you WISH you were
the REAL David Letterman. Its okay to like him. The first sign of
Letterman-addicition is denile. You are denying your true feelings
for Letterman by tricking people into thinking that you are the
REAL Letterman, but in fact, you are only an imposter.
See, with me, I can admit my feelings, and openly stalk the REAL
Letterman (not you, because you are an imposter).
I gave up crack for Lent (you know, I am sorta religious). But
after Lent, I will go back to being a total crack fiend. I sell a
multitude of crack-- different colours for the holiday seasons,
and turkey flavoured for Thanksgiving. There's also my special
Spanish import, El Cracko Cheapo.
You are NOT the real Letterman! It's time that you came out of the
"Imposter Closet!"

The Stalker
--Professional Stalker

The Imposter Letterman:

Subject: i'm sure you did
From: David Letterman
Date: 6:26 pm friday april 7, 2000

No, I am not the dilusional one, you are. You don't have to WISH
that I am the REAL David Letterman, because I am the REAL David
Letterman. I admit that it's okay to like me, it's just not ok
for YOU to like me.  You physco crack head. I am not the
imposter, you are.  You are not stalking me, the REAL David
Letterman.  You may be stalking someone else that you believe is
the real David Letterman.  But who ever you are stalking is not
the Real Letterman cause I am.  I am sure that you gave up crack
for Lent, and I understand that because I to am sorta religious.
AHHHHHHH another thing we have in common.  Oh so you DO sell the
drugs as well as take them.  That's very good that you have a
job.  Would it be at all possible for you to hook me up with some
of the Easter colours????  And for Christmas do you just sell red
and green, or is it at all possible for you to get me some silver
and gold.  This just can't get out, you know the media.  Once the
find out something good the will say anything to make me look
like the bad guy.

Yes, I AM SO real Letterman! It's time that you came out of the
Denial Closet.  Do you know wht that is, it is because you are
Clepatra Queen Of DeNile.

--David Letterman
Talk Show Host

The Stalker:

Subect: I need crack!
From: The Stalker
Date: 1:26 pm saturday april 8, 2000

I think you are mistaken, my imposter friend.
You are the IMPOSTER Letterman! The REAL Letterman is someone that
is NOT YOU. Just because I'm a psycho crack head, doesn't mean
that I'm dilusional!!!

Yes, for Christmas I do sell red and green crack. This past
Christmas I started selling silver and gold, as well. It's not a
luxurious job, but it's a job. And someone's gotta do it.
I'll send you some Easter crack. Don't worry, I am very secretive
when it comes to the media. After all, I'm only known as "David
Letterman's Stalker" not "That Crack-selling David Letterman
Stalker".

You are the IMPOSTER Letterman! I'm am not in any kind of closet!
I am not Cleopatra, Queen Of Denile, I am "LULU! Breakfast of
Champions, and Keeper of the Q-Tips!"

The Stalker
--Professional Stalker

The Imposter Letterman

Subject: I'm sure you do
From: David Letterman
Date: 10:10 pm saturday april 8, 2000

No, as I have stated before you are the one that is mistaken.
And let's get this straight.  I am NOT your friend.  I am the
REAL Letterman!!! The REAL Letterman is someone that is ME. You
are the imposter stalker.  I know that just because your a psycho
crack head, doesn't mean that your dilusional!!!   The fact that
you are dilusional mean that your dilusional!!!  Your right it
may not be the most luxurious job, but it's got to have GREAT
perks right???  I might just have to take you up on that offer of
the Easter crack. Just no pink!!!!  I HATE PINK!!!!!!  what other
colours do you have???  No, I am the REAL Letterman! ANd you are
the IMPOSTER stalker!!!!!!  NOw why can't you get that threw your
crack head skull???

--David Letterman
Talk Show Host

The Stalker

Subject: re: I'm sure you do
From: The Stalker
Date: 2:42 pm sunday april 9, 2000

You are incorrect, my fellow feathered friend, for you are an
IMPOSTER!!! Which means that you are NOT the real David Letterman.
The real David Letterman is someone who is NOT you, because you
are NOT the real Letterman, which makes you the IMPOSTER
Letterman.
For the Easter crack, I carry a wide range of pastel colours--
yellow, orange, green, blue, purple, and yes, even pink. I hate it
too, but it's very festive. I'm working on a special crack for
this summer-- sun-bloc lotion crack-- because some people just
can't be out in the sun for too long. The crack makes it all
better. And it doesn't smell like coconuts, like other sun-bloc
lotions do!
You are the imposter Letterman, and it's time for you to admit it!

The Stalker
--Professional Stalker

The Imposter Letterman

Subject: what. Can't come up with your own title?
From: David Letterman
Date: 7:23 pm tuesday april 11, 2000

Ok i don't know about you, but eye know that eye m not
feathered.  And inless you are some sort of freak-- even more so
than i had thought you were, I don't think you are either.  I am
going to say this one final time.  So get it through that thick
crack headed skull of yours.  I AM NOT THE IMPOSTER!!! YOU
ARE!!!!!!!!!  I AM THE REAL DAVID LETTERMAN!!!!!!!!  The real
David Letterman stalker is someone who is not YOU, because you
are NOT the real Letterman stalker, which makes you the IMPOSTER
Letterman stalker. You make your own crack????  What is it???
Some sort of cheep baby powder mixture??? What if some people
like the smell of coconuts???  Can you make some special coconut
crack for me--the real David Letterman???

--David Letterman
Talk Show Host

The Stalker

Subject: No, I just forgot to put one in.
From: The Stalker
Date: 2:54 pm wednesday april 12, 2000

It is true, I am not feathered, but I do like to pretend that I am
a duck. *quack quack* My psychiatrist says that it's not healthy,
but it's fun.
You are not the real Letterman. Maybe you should go see my shrink.
She does wonders for me. I'm not as psychopathic as I was before.
Actually, my crack is a mixture of baby powder, icing sugar, and
food colouring. But don't tell anyone, eh!
I can concoct a nice coconut crack for you the IMPOSTER Letterman,
if you'd like some.

The Stalker
--Professional Stalker

The Imposter Letterman

Subject:  yeah, I'm sure THAT's it!!!
From: David Letterman
Date: 4:14 pm wednesday april 12, 2000

You see a shrink????  Man, you are messed up.  Considering the
fact that you like to pretend that you are a duck, oh well what
ever floats your boat.  You DO have a boat don't you.  I do, and
I didn't get it at Target, Kmart, or Walmart either. ..um..thanx
but no thanx on the whole shrink thing.  I don't need one because
I am the REAL letterman an not an imposter.  If you are not as
psycho as you were before I would hate to have met you before.
Crack made out baby powder, icing sugar, and food colouring not
bad.  I will have to try that you know. Don't worry, I wont tell
anyone what it's made of.  As long as you don't tell anyone that
I am getting stuff off of you.  It's all very hush, hush you know.

--David Letterman
Talk Show Host

P.S.  Have you not figured out who I am yet.  WOW I am VERY
disapointed in the two of you.  Because of the fact that I am the
real David Letterman and all.

The Stalker

Subject: I'm a little kitty... *meow, meow*
From: The Stalker
Date: 3:21 pm thursday april 13, 2000

I see many different doctors. Sometimes they let me sleep over at
their building. I get to stay in a padded room. It's really nice.
I mean, if I'm running, and can't see where I'm going, and run
into a wall, it usually hurts. But, with the padding, it's very
soft, and nice. At bedtime, they strap me to my bed. It's awfully
nice of them. I hate it when I fall out of bed.
No, I don't have a boat, but I have a bathtub. That's where I make
oatmeal for my cats. I like cats. I have 47 cats. My cat's breath
smells like catfood.
Alright, then it's a deal. I'll hook you up with some of my
special crack. Don't worry, no one will know about it. Except
everyone who reads this messege board. But don't worry, because I
think you're the only one who actually goes to this page.

The Stalker
--Professional Stalker

P.S.  No, I have not figured out who you are yet. All I know is
that you are the IMPOSTER Letterman... oh... wait, then I guess I
did figure it out... well then--HAH!

The Imposter Letterman

Subject: you are weird is what you are
From: David Letterman
Date: 7:41 pm saturday april 15, 2000

Are you on any other drugs besides the ones that you make??  Ya
know, like the ones that the doctors give you.  Are you in the
bath tub when you are making the oatmeal for your cats???  Never
mind, I don't wanna know. I HATE cats!!! You have 47 cats???
WOW!!!  Are you old???  Do you often SMELL your cat's breath to
know that it smells like catfood???  Cause that's pretty freaky,
even for someone like you.  When will we make the drop off for
the special crack????  Not that I'm getting any, cause drugs are
bad right!!!! But I need it soon or else.  I don't know how much
longer I can hold off....

--David Letterman
Talk Show Host

P.S.  If I am the only one who goes to this page why is the
counter so high???  HUH???  answer me THAT if you can!!!!

The Stalker

Subject: Cheese is good.
From: The Stalker
Date: 1:20 pm sunday april 16, 2000

The doctors give me yummy drugs that taste like strawberries...
then I get to talk to the walls. They hold up their side of an
intelligent conversation, most of the time. That damned ceiling
always seems to interfere and disagree with the walls. It makes an
ugly scene sometimes... but I don't want to talk about it.
Uh, NO I'm not in the bath tub when I make oatmeal for my cats!
DUH! What kind of freak do you think I am?!?
In cat years, I am 132 years old. But I don't look a day over 130.
The mayonaise helps keep me maintain my youthly complection.
Where do you want me to drop off the drugs? Or do you want to pick
them up? Uh, not that I'm selling drugs, or you're buying them, or
anything silly like that... ha ha ha... ok, so I can drop them off
in the trash bin a block from your house...

The Stalker
--Professional Stalker

P.S. The counter fairies play with the counter on the page. That
is why it's so high. Sheesh, I thought EVERYONE knew about the
counter fairies!!!

The Imposter Letterman

Subject: I am sure it is
From: David Letterman
Date: 7:59 pm tuesday april 18, 2000

Do the walls like to close in on you???  Have they ever attacked
you at all???  What exactally do you DO with the mayonaise that
makes it help you maintain your youthly complection???  Cause
that might come in handy some day.  Where are some of the other
drop off spots that you use to drop off the drugs? Yeah right, if
I pick them up people wont get too weirded out.  Besides I am not
allowed to leave my house without my body guards, so that might
make this little switch harder for us. Of course why would you be
selling drugs???  You are not a drug dealer or any thing.  And
why would I be buying drugs, because I am not a drug buyer or any
thing.  Cause drugs are bad!!!!  Bad, bad, bad I tell you!!!!!!
..um... I don't HAVE a trash bin a block from my house.  I TOLD
you that you were the imposter stalker.  We need a better drop
place.  Oh well we will think of SOMETHING.

--David Letterman
Talk Show Host

P.S. Thanx for telling me about the faries, I would have never
known if it hadn't have been for you.  I owe you.  Hay speeking
of "owing" how much will the drugs be?

The Stalker

Subject: C is for Cookie
From: The Stalker
Date: 3:35 pm wednesday april 19, 2000

The walls don't close in on me too often. They did attack me once,
a few years ago, when we had a rough period of time together. We
all went to counseling afterwards, and they promised not to do it
again.
I like to smear mayonaise on my face, and parade around the
streets.
I can drop off the drugs in your mail box. Just so it doesn't look
obvious, I will first kill the mailman, steal his uniform, put it
on, and then deliver what will appear to be a regular package, but
in fact, it will be CRACK-- not that I am selling drugs or
anything... haha...
I am not an imposter stalker. You are the imposter Letterman!

The Stalker
--Professional Stalker

P.S. The first delivery of drugs is free. I like to get you
addicted first, and then I jack up the prices.

The Letterman Imposter

Subject: yes, yes it is
From: David Letterman
Date: 5:23 pm wednesday april 19, 2000

So the walls DO close in on you, just not all the time, right???
When they had attacked you that once durring your rough period of
time together who won???  The walls? Well I am glad that everyone
worked out their little problems.  Or at least I am glad that the
walls did.  Now I don't wanna b involved in another murder plot.
I still remember the last one.  WOW that was not good.  But not
that I killed any one, why wont anyone beleave me???  The only
reason that my finger prints were on the body was that.....  oh
no I have said too much already you must never tell anyone else
what I have just told you, if you do my lawyers might just kill
me.  Back to the drug drop.  No, we need a place where we can me
and switch then.  I kinda want to meet my imposter stalker.  And
I am SURE that you want to meet me, the REAL David Letterman.

--David Letterman
Talk Show Host

P.S. I am glad that the first one is free of charge, cause with
my operation that just happened and all the lawyers and body
guards I don't have much left over to spend on my little side
habbits.

The Stalker

Subject: LIAR!!! No it's not!!!
From: The Stalker
Date: 1:15 pm saturday april 22, 2000

The walls won when they attacked me. Even though I am incredibly
buff, there's four of them, and only one of me. I got roughed up
pritty badly, but I'm okay now.
I like to murder people--uh, I mean... I like to... uhm...
*nervous laughter*... uh... anyways... must... change...
subject...
Ok, when and where should we meet? How about Tuesday at 1:27pm in
front of that big building with lights? I think it's secretive
enough. Plus, I don't want to miss any prime stalking time. The
REAL Letterman is usually out at 1:27pm.

The Stalker
--Professional Stalker

P.S. Maybe you should kill Leno, and take over his job... I hate
that guy. Then you could have your own show! "The Tonight Show,
with Imposter Letterman!" You'd be able to get more money for your
side habits.

The Stalker, Again

Subject: Where are you, Scooby-Doo?
From: The Stalker
Date: 3:23 pm thursday may 18, 2000

Hello? Mr. Imposter David Letterman? It's been almost a month
since your last post! Did you get hauled off to jail when you
tried to get drugs from me? I hope you have some soap on a rope,
those prisons guys can be quite brutal. Hopefully you're not Big
Bubba's Bitch.

The Stalker
--Professional Stalker

P.S. Don't bend over
 

The Imposter David Letterman seems to have been thrown in jail after a major drug bust. We now have an Imposter Imposter David Letterman. When will the wacky shenanigans end?!?

Subject:  I'll pretend eye m Letterman 4 u
From: the substitute David
Date: 4:41 pm thursday june 8, 2000

Ok, the real imposter David Letterman must have died or
something, so eye will take over 4 him.  Bet u can all guess who
this is, if u can't u must b real cool.  Ok the reason that he
has not replied is that his laywers found out that he was buying
drugs and stuff 4m the stalker and banned him 4m have ny contact
with her.  Good story???  I think so.  It is either that or else
he got grounded 4 going 2 Tim Hortons after the movie on night,
the went 2 Miscoa (sp)Woods, and when he came home he just gave
it up.

--The New David Letterman
Talkshow Host

The Stalker is upset that the Imposter Letterman is gone, but decides to befriend the Imposter Imposter Letterman.

Subject: I'm glad this Letterman can spell...
From: The Stalker
Date: 4:50 pm thursday june 8, 2000

Whoa! I wonder if your computer would blow up if you ran spell
check on that message?
So now we have an imposter imposter David Letterman... this is
sad! And I thought _I_ was messed up!
I'm not sure about the drugs. He didn't meet me for the drop off.
I'm concerned. Usually crackheads like him buy lots of crack from
crackheaded dealers like me.
Anyways, since I have no friends, and the imposter Letterman was
the last person (not including my parole officer) that I had had
contact with (if you don't include the REAL Letterman's body
guards screaming out "HEY! GET THE HELL OUT OF MR. LETTERMAN'S
TRASH CANS, YOU CRAZY CRACK WHORE!", either...) you can be my new
friend. I like cats.

The Stalker
--Professional Stalker

The Imposter Imposter Letterman writes back

Subject: what is wrong w/ my spelling????
From: The impostser, impos
Date: 7:08 pm tuesday june 13, 2000

Ok since when is my spelling bad????  I'll have u know that I
happen 2 b 1 of the best spellers in my ward.  Thank-u very much.
What is so sad about haveing an imposter imposter David
Letterman????  And u R messed up, so don't go thinking that u
rn't!!!  U have a right 2 b concerned 4 the real imposter
Letterman, he could b lying off in a ditch somewhere calling out
4 some good cheep crack....  and u rn't coming 2 give it 2 him.
Yes, eye will b your friend, but eye have 2 tell u that eye
kinda, sorta hate cats.  But that won't change our friendship
will it????

--the imposter imposter David Letterman
Talkshow Host

The Stalker's Reply:

Subject: KFC-- we do chicken right!
From: The Stalker
Date: 12:27 pm sunday june 25, 2000

Your last message...
*7 grammatical errors
*35 misspelled words/121 words total
Good job!;)
What ward are you in? Maybe we're neighbours!
Aw... poor Imposter Letterman... my spidey senses are tingling
(oh... wait... that could just be the crack...) and are telling me
that he IS lying in a ditch somewhere! OH FELLOW CRACK FIEND!!
HAVE NO FEAR! YOUR DEALER IS NEAR!!!
The fact that you do not like cats has no effect on me. It will on
my cats, though. Please do not be upset with me when you come to
my padded cell, and they latch onto your face and start clawing
away at your tender flesh. "GET THEM OFF OF ME!!!", you'll scream.
"THEY'RE GOUGING OUT MY EYE BALLS! AHH!!! I CAN'T SEE! I CAN'T
SEE!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO WATCH PORNO NOW!?!" But I will be
forced to ignore you. The cats have more authority over me than
you do. But I do know a great place where you can buy porno
magazines in brail!

The Stalker
--Professional Stalker
 

The Imposter Imposter Letterman

Subject:  oh yeah well A--&--P is fresh obsessed
From: imposter imposter Da
Date: 7:10 pm wednesday june 28, 2000

You counted my grammatical errors, and my misspelled words???
WOW, u don't have much of a life.  Eye m sorry but eye can't tell
u what ward eye m in, it's claisfied.  But eye m not saying that
we r not neighbours.  We very well could b.

Since we BOTH think that the Imposter Letterman is lying in a
ditch somewhere we should go and find him! It could b an
adventure!!!  Eye like adventure!!!  Do u???

Eye m glad that the fact that eye do not like cats has no effect
on u. It's 2 bad about your cats, though. Don't worry eye will
not b upset with u when eye go 2 your padded cell, and they latch
on2 my face and start clawing away at my tender flesh.

4 a matter of fact eye only have 1 porno movie!!!  Would u like 2
no what that movie is called???  Of course u do.  The title of my
only porno movie is....(*drum roll please*)...."STUDS".

Well eye have 2 go now it is time 4 my shock treatment.  Eye like
the prEtty bright lights, they r very prEtty.  BYE

--The Imposter Imposter David Letterman
Talkshow Host

The Stalker:

Subject: ENchirito! RITO RITO RITO!
From: The Stalker
Date: 6:50 pm friday june 30, 2000

It's taken you THIS long to realize that I have no life?

Maybe we are neighbours! I'll throw a HUGE tantrum tonight at 9pm
when the people in white come to feed me my oatmeal. I'll throw
the oatmeal all over the place and start screaming. Let me know if
you can hear me!

I like adventures, too! Lets go on one, shall we? We can take my
car. ITS THE BATMOBILE! You will be my trusty new sidekick,
"Jimmy-Jo-Jo-Jo-Bob". TO THE BATMOBILE, JIMMY-JO-JO-JO-BOB!!! WE
MUST FIND THE IMPOSTER LETTERMAN!!! GO GO GO!

I have many porno movies. My favourite "Virtual Encounters 2". Its
like a geek-computer-porn. Very interesting. I also enjoy "The
Wild Nude Frolics Of Lindsey And Rick Moranis". How's them apples?

Shock therepy is fun-fun-doodle-dum! Woowoo!

The Stalker
--Professional Stalker

The Imposter Imposter Letterman:

Subject: Toronto is in Canada
From: the imposter imposte
Date: 7:29 pm friday june 30, 2000

Hey, cool!!!  We r neighbours! Eye herd u last night!!!  Unless
someone else in my ward threw a HUGE tantrum lastnight at 9pm
when the people in white came to feed them their oatmeal.

Do u no how 2 drive your Bat mobile???  Not that eye don't trust
u or ne thing, but eye really don't want 2 die 2night.  So where
do u want 2 meet???  How r we gonna get passed our guards???  We
might have 2 kill them, it may b the only way!!!

I wood LOVE 2 b your trusty new sidekick, "Jimmy-Jo-Jo-Jo-Bob".
What will your name b???  Where shood we start 2 look 4 our
imposter Letterman???  Some ditch in cracktowne???

"Virtual Encounters" wasn't ne good???  All I can say about them
apples is EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW EW EW
EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW

Ok BAD picture in head!!!!!!!!!EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
EW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Eye have 2 go now.  C u 2night at
9:00pm.  Right after feeding time.

--the imposter imposter Letterman
talkshow host (kinda)